Food for thought...

So these are just a few things that i've noticed lately, have been pointed out to me, have made me smile, and have made me really think.

When I have nothing better to do..which seems more often than ever lately...I find myself stumbling. Sometimes I think that website knows me personally..more than the random topics I chose.
A day or two ago I stumbled upon this quote:

"find someone that can make you smile and don't give up on them"

My friends are constantly telling me to protect my heart and make sure I don't let him hurt me anymore and I always say that I won't and I'll stand up for myself, but for some reason I find myself trying harder to get closer to him and give him the chance to break my heart again. I feel like if I let go i'm giving up and I don't give up. This quote is exactly how I feel..not only about a guy but about everything that comes my way.

Everyone deserves another chance...right?

This was pointed out to me yesterday,

Something humans take for granted on a daily basis...

Air - every breath we take is taken with nothing given in return. Without getting scientific or religious, I don't know who gives us the air we breath but whoever does, Thank you.

As I was driving home from who knows where the other day, I was blaring my new/old kings of leon CD and thinking about things..about everything.

Something that really stood out to me was the topic of trust. Anyone can say they don't trust easily or "it takes a lot to earn trust"...

When I was sitting in the turn lane waiting for the light to turn green I thought "What exactly is keeping that car on the other side of the intersection from going straight instead of turning?" That car could come barreling into me while i'm just minding my own business. Why am I not concerned about that at all? I assume that person passed the driving test with flying colors and there is no way that will happen. I trust a perfect stranger with my life. Same thing goes for the bus driver in elementary school or even now with public transportation...feel free to think this is just a weird rant but do me a favor and think about this next time you tell someone you don't trust easily. Everyone trusts without even realizing it.

That's all.

Mass Confusion

As I lay here on my half deflated air mattress I am feling very mixed up inside. I'm feeling 1000 different emotions all at once and none of them are standing out more than another. All of my friends are leaving in a few days or have already left to go back to college and it's just now hitting me that i'm not going with them. I don't think I belong in Grand Junction at all but I can't help but feel like i'm going to miss out of so much when i'm not there this year. Cosmetology school feels like the best choice for me but I won't get that college experience that I always wanted. On top of that, i've recently been forced into the real world completely. I'm living "on my own" essentially. Renting a room in my brothers basement but I still have to buy my own food and toilet paper and pay him every month just like a landlord. And if I can handle one more thing to deal with, I'm having the worst boy troubles i've ever had. All I want that might answer all of my questions is for him to want to be with me as much as I want to be with him. I've never had this feeling in my gut before but i can't help but feel like it means something. It doesn't mean i'm supposed to just lay here and let him walk away but he wants me to. The past few weeks and years to come are going to be a tough road but hopefully i'll be alright in the end. I want everything to work out. Everything WILL work out.

Because I know there will be questions...

I am no longer in a relationship...whatever that means. No matter how naive and immature it may seem, my relationship of less than two weeks is no longer. Even though I was not/am not in love with him I am still more hurt than I have ever been in my life. And this time I mean that. I am past the point of tears. I spent an hour in a steaming hot bubble bath and that was still not enough time to soak the pain away or bring the feeling back to my limbs. I have cried away any emotion that i had left. One of the only sources of happiness in my life is gone. The smile that has been stuck on my face for the past two weeks has faded to an unpleasant frown. But how could I not see this coming? I feel like I was stupid for letting myself believe that pure joy every second of every day would last longer than this. But honestly..if all he needs is some time to realize that I really do make him happy..then my arms are open. Because I can't be that girl that says now or never when I care about him this much. I don't think we were brought to eachother for a two week fling..I honestly feel like it is meant to be a lot longer, but only time will tell.

Jitters

As I lay in my extra long twin sized bed for the second to last time, I finally start to realize how comfy it really is. I can stretch out my limbs at the risk of my feet dangling over the edge, but they never do,

This first year of college has been an emotional roller coaster for me. However, being a girl, what isn't?
There have been many tears shed and even more laughs shared. Apparently the tears shed left a stronger imprint in my memory because I will not be returning here in the fall. Nonetheless, I have had some great times here, but it was never what I had hoped and expected it to be. Note: if you are planning to attend a school far away from home, make sure you visit the town it is in more than two weekend trips in your entire life. Otherwise you'll end up like me, realizing far to late in the game that Grand Junction, Co SUCKS. Unless you are physically cabable to/enjoy to climb mountains every weekend then you have no business here.

That reminds me...My ankle is still not functioning correctly so more likely than not my welcome home gift will be yet another surgery. Fourth time's a charm...right?

Today I am withdrawing from MSC. I am rather shaky in my decision making right now. I love it here. I hate it here. I love it here. I HATE it here. I LOVE IT HERE! I HATE IT HERE!.......I uhmm.....I don't know.

I am going to miss Kelsey so much when she comes back here and I don't I can feel it already. Going to college with my best friend was awesome. Being three hours apart from her when I really need her is going to be hard. Very hard.

This blog post is already turning into a pros and cons list so you can see how uneasy I am feeling.

Two more days...

Creative photos by Chema Madoz

Creative photos by Chema Madoz

A secret isn't a secret if you tell it..

I've realized it's very hard for me to keep secrets.

I have a feeling in my gut that absolutely refuses to go away until I let everyone I know in on it.

Recently I told Kelsey something that was really starting to get to me.

I wasn't sure how she would take it but to my relief she took it very well.

It's always good to have a friend that can take shocking news well.

Although, apparently it wasn't very shocking to her.

Anyway, the pain is gone and i'm living worry free as of right now.

While i'm at it, I should say that I don't intend for the purpose of this blog to be my way of filling the whole world in on my problems/thoughts. However, it's better than using facebook for that because literally the whole world can see what is written on facebook. I know there are not as many people looking at blogger.com which is why I feel like it's okay to vent on here.

Here's a little something I enjoy:

the lazy song by bruno mars

His tone is wonderful even if his lyrics are iffy.

Just a few of my favorites right now...

Two total cuties :)