Because I know there will be questions...

I am no longer in a relationship...whatever that means. No matter how naive and immature it may seem, my relationship of less than two weeks is no longer. Even though I was not/am not in love with him I am still more hurt than I have ever been in my life. And this time I mean that. I am past the point of tears. I spent an hour in a steaming hot bubble bath and that was still not enough time to soak the pain away or bring the feeling back to my limbs. I have cried away any emotion that i had left. One of the only sources of happiness in my life is gone. The smile that has been stuck on my face for the past two weeks has faded to an unpleasant frown. But how could I not see this coming? I feel like I was stupid for letting myself believe that pure joy every second of every day would last longer than this. But honestly..if all he needs is some time to realize that I really do make him happy..then my arms are open. Because I can't be that girl that says now or never when I care about him this much. I don't think we were brought to eachother for a two week fling..I honestly feel like it is meant to be a lot longer, but only time will tell.

Jitters

As I lay in my extra long twin sized bed for the second to last time, I finally start to realize how comfy it really is. I can stretch out my limbs at the risk of my feet dangling over the edge, but they never do,

This first year of college has been an emotional roller coaster for me. However, being a girl, what isn't?
There have been many tears shed and even more laughs shared. Apparently the tears shed left a stronger imprint in my memory because I will not be returning here in the fall. Nonetheless, I have had some great times here, but it was never what I had hoped and expected it to be. Note: if you are planning to attend a school far away from home, make sure you visit the town it is in more than two weekend trips in your entire life. Otherwise you'll end up like me, realizing far to late in the game that Grand Junction, Co SUCKS. Unless you are physically cabable to/enjoy to climb mountains every weekend then you have no business here.

That reminds me...My ankle is still not functioning correctly so more likely than not my welcome home gift will be yet another surgery. Fourth time's a charm...right?

Today I am withdrawing from MSC. I am rather shaky in my decision making right now. I love it here. I hate it here. I love it here. I HATE it here. I LOVE IT HERE! I HATE IT HERE!.......I uhmm.....I don't know.

I am going to miss Kelsey so much when she comes back here and I don't I can feel it already. Going to college with my best friend was awesome. Being three hours apart from her when I really need her is going to be hard. Very hard.

This blog post is already turning into a pros and cons list so you can see how uneasy I am feeling.

Two more days...

Creative photos by Chema Madoz

Creative photos by Chema Madoz

A secret isn't a secret if you tell it..

I've realized it's very hard for me to keep secrets.

I have a feeling in my gut that absolutely refuses to go away until I let everyone I know in on it.

Recently I told Kelsey something that was really starting to get to me.

I wasn't sure how she would take it but to my relief she took it very well.

It's always good to have a friend that can take shocking news well.

Although, apparently it wasn't very shocking to her.

Anyway, the pain is gone and i'm living worry free as of right now.

While i'm at it, I should say that I don't intend for the purpose of this blog to be my way of filling the whole world in on my problems/thoughts. However, it's better than using facebook for that because literally the whole world can see what is written on facebook. I know there are not as many people looking at blogger.com which is why I feel like it's okay to vent on here.

Here's a little something I enjoy:

the lazy song by bruno mars

His tone is wonderful even if his lyrics are iffy.

Just a few of my favorites right now...

Two total cuties :)

whatever you like by anya marina (cover)

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the little things i notice

As I sit in my three hour English composition class I realize that there are very pretty trees just outside the window with tiny little pink and red flowers covering the branches. I turn on the Florence and the machine Pandora station to drown out my professor and his monotonous babbling about topics that are entirely unrelated to the lesson. I am mysteriously peeling on my right forearm however, I don't remember ever getting a sunburn there. I drew a picture in my notebook a few classes ago and I can still see the outline of it ten pages later. Pink Sharpie marks. I need to use the restroom but because my professor notices a dust bunny out of place, I'll hold it. Pause. I heard a song that I am really liking. A cover of whatever you like by Anya Marina. I bookmarked it to download later. Which reminds me, I need to make a mix CD for mine and Kelsey's trip home this weekend. Hopefully this will remind me to remind myself to do that. I tend to forget to remember things. The kid sitting next to me just flat out stole my favorite purple clicky pen from the hookah lounge. I miss going to the lounge. Maybe next Wednesday we will be able to stop by there. Money is tight lately. Which, ironically is part of the reason I almost quit my job yesterday. Working four frustrating hours is in no way satisfying. In the way that I leave work upset every day that I work and I don't even make enough money to drive to and from work. I keep telling myself: only three weeks left. In three weeks I will miss: Sara, Morgan, Em and Freida, Jack, Ben and Ruth, and missing home. Yes, I will miss missing home. Next weekend I am taking a trip to Moab, Utah to go on the first camping trip of the year with Kelsey, Becca, Zack and Josh. All good friends. Pause. I heard another good song. I realize I've written a lot and I could go on all day. But my elbows are falling asleep.

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