Mass Confusion

As I lay here on my half deflated air mattress I am feling very mixed up inside. I'm feeling 1000 different emotions all at once and none of them are standing out more than another. All of my friends are leaving in a few days or have already left to go back to college and it's just now hitting me that i'm not going with them. I don't think I belong in Grand Junction at all but I can't help but feel like i'm going to miss out of so much when i'm not there this year. Cosmetology school feels like the best choice for me but I won't get that college experience that I always wanted. On top of that, i've recently been forced into the real world completely. I'm living "on my own" essentially. Renting a room in my brothers basement but I still have to buy my own food and toilet paper and pay him every month just like a landlord. And if I can handle one more thing to deal with, I'm having the worst boy troubles i've ever had. All I want that might answer all of my questions is for him to want to be with me as much as I want to be with him. I've never had this feeling in my gut before but i can't help but feel like it means something. It doesn't mean i'm supposed to just lay here and let him walk away but he wants me to. The past few weeks and years to come are going to be a tough road but hopefully i'll be alright in the end. I want everything to work out. Everything WILL work out.